OK, I finally broke into the 50's. Whew!
I actually had something kind of odd happen with Lesson 52. I was having the worst, most terrible time of it. I was in a stew, a terrible stew, about a particular situation, feeling that I had been maltreated, fantasizing about ways to communicate all the ways in which I had been wronged...and I don't usually do that, I don't usually live in that kind of state, but it was very bad, and very persistent. And while I felt a certain sense of self-righteousness, I also felt pretty miserable.
One of the lessons up for review was I am upset because I see what is not there. And I see only the past. And variations thereof. I felt so much resistance to these ideas that it was palpable.
At some point, after a couple of days of this, I sort of felt like I got a tap on the shoulder, metaphorically. It was like "OK, Rebecca, have you had enough pain yet? Do you see what this does to you? You can choose to live there, but you have to know it is your own choice."
I can't say that everything just got all better after that, but I did feel a shift, and things have been somehow different since.
I hesitate to use the word "magic," after the way it's used rather derisively in the Course. But sometimes this stuff does feel a little bit like magic. It's not always fun. But sometimes I guess a little pain can serve to get your attention.
